The Flippant Philosopher

…conversation in the modern world would hardly know where to begin. But maybe the end of the remaining conversations (and relationships) wouldn’t come so soon.

-Demonax

The recent popularity of “polyphasic” sleep boggles the mind. Rather than just going to bed earlier and/or getting up earlier as a means of getting more rest and being more productive, people invent bizarre schedules (or “patterns”) of sleeping and waking, with an array of “core sleep” periods and naps scattered throughout the day. The results are predictable. For a short period, productivity rises. Then it plummets as the long term effects of sleep deprivation take their toll.

Back in college I realized 2 important facts:

There are lots of stories about billionaires and geniuses who “only need 3 hours of sleep”. Next time you read one of those stories, refer to the above. Take whatever number is given and sub in “8″, and you’ll probably be much closer to the truth.

The fact’s are:

Why does complexity have so much more allure than simplicity? Why do so many of us think that the only way we can succeed is by twisting ourselves and our lives into knots? Why are we so willing to take flying leaps through flaming hoops over a yawning chasm when there’s a well-built bridge already connecting the two sides?

And why in hell do we lose so much sleep over…well…sleep?

-Demonax

“Let it go, but don’t forget the lesson learned” is more my preference.

-Demonax

Picking the right time to take your bathroom/kitchen break during a movie is important. You don’t want to miss anything vital. Hitting the “Pause” button is always an option, of course, but it can be jarring and takes effort. It’s easier and flows better to just let the movie run while you do what you need to do.

Fortunately, for the past 50 years (at least), Hollywood has obligingly built into most of its films scenes and sequences that can be used for just about any purpose you desire. Whatever you do as these scenes unfold, whether you visit the can or step into the kitchen to build a Dagwood sandwich, when you return to your preferred viewing location, you will be able to continue enjoying the movie–just as if you’d never left.

When to take your bathroom break varies according to the decade the movie was produced.

1950’s - During the interminable dance number.

1960’s - During the way too long car chase.

1970’s - During the improbable sex scene.

1980’s - During the 3rd-15th consecutive explosion of the same car/house/spaceship.

1990’s - During the pointless backstory/explanation (usually near the beginning; but not always).

2000’s - During the computer generated (CG) segments (in the case of Star Wars: Episodes I-III and most movies based on video games, this has the advantage of you spending the entire running time of the film in the bathroom or kitchen, which will greatly enhance your enjoyment of these films).

Guides for other movie classifications:

Star Vehicles - During those sequences where the star isn’t on screen (on the assumption that you actually want to see said star, since otherwise you would be doing something else; like watching a good movie).

Movies that Open with a Big Battle - During the opening sequence (women) or any time after the opening sequence (men).

Jackie Chan/Hong Kong Martial Arts Movies - During the mostly useless, largely incomprehensible,  almost universally poorly acted sequences between fight scenes.

Animé - It doesn’t matter. These stories can’t get any more confusing, so missing one part is no better/worse than missing any other.

Romantic Comedies - During any montage that includes a licensed pop song.

Horror - While the idiot(s) explore(s) the attic/basement/warehouse/alley.

See? You don’t need commercials.

-Demonax

Ever since I started working at home full time, I’ve seldom noticed the coming of the dreaded “Friday the 13th” (there was one yesterday, I realized today, looking at calendar). In much the same way, I suppose, that federal holidays come and go without notice–unless I ignorantly chose one of those days to go the bank. With no co-workers to waste time with, there’s no one to remind me of these things.

Maybe it’s a sign of growing up, and leaving behind the concepts and conversations of childhood:

Or maybe it’s simpler, and some dates, like most superstitions, lose all significance when you’re outside the herd.

-Demonax

..is an extremely tedious task.

An artist is someone who likes that extremely tedious task–or is willing to do it anyway.

-Demonax