The Flippant Philosopher

 

…thus providing food for the second.

 

-Demonax

 

…You’re just used to yours.

 

-Demonax

 

But he had great PR skills.

 

-Demonax

 

Leave that to your friends and family. And society.

 

-Demonax

 

You can never be certain that Adam Smith’s invisible hand isn’t flipping you off.

 

-Demonax

 

You can’t live your adult life telling the same stories (of your childhood, of high school/college., etc) over and over.

 

Ok, fine. You can. But you get boring. Fast.

 

-Demonax

 

…”You disgust me.”

 

-Demonax

 

1. Poor now? Don’t sweat it. After you die, you’ll be rich. Rich, I say! In the meantime, I’ve got a better use for your money than you do. There’s a good boy.

 

2. Something making you sad? There, there. Now it’s all better. Promise.

 

3. Not just poor, eh? But oppressed too? And unable to do anything about it? Refer back to that “after you die” bit earlier. Because, yeah, after you die, this is all yours.

 

4. Hungry? Here’s a sandwich. Well, there will be a sandwich. After you die. Or now, if you can spare me the dough to buy us both one.

 

5. In case our roles are ever reversed–heaven forbid!–show me some mercy, aight? I’ll do the same for you one day. Not now of course. After you die.

 

6. Wanna see god? After you die? Stay pure. That means no fucking. None at all. Nah, I’m just yanking your chain. Had you for a minute there, though, didn’t I?

 

7. Make peace. Even if you have to go to war to do it. It’s the final peace that matters, not how you make it. You’ll be blessed. After you die.

 

8. People giving you shit about all this I’m telling you? Fuck ‘em. Come the after-you-die part, you are so gonna lord it over them.

 

The final lesson I want to leave you with today, brothers and sisters, is that your life will be so much better after you die.

 

-Demonax

 

Your parents teach you to wipe your ass, probably before you can ever remember.

 

After that, you’re on your own.

 

-Demonax

 

…probably still hurts like the dickens.

 

-Demonax